It's been a while since my last post and you might notice that all my earlier posts went missing except two. In case you’re wondering, I deleted them. I've always been a somehow-perfectionist person and I have this terrible habit, or should I say urge, to redo things that I find unsatisfying enough, especially when it comes to writing.
I usually rewrite notes from classes and try to arrange them in a more ‘organized’ fashion, and while doing so, I can waste like five or ten different sheets of paper because every time I make a ‘mistake’ eg. when I feel that my handwriting is not tidy enough or the font size is too big for my liking or the sentence doesn't make sense, I will definitely start everything over instead of using correction pen or such (which is, obviously, the more convenient option) –not just once or twice, I can write the same thing over and over for hours until I decide that it’s close enough to perfection.
I wonder if it can be considered as a compulsive behavior.
The same thing goes to this blog. I read everything over and simply thought, "Nope, I’m not keeping these trashes," and pressed the delete button without any hesitation. However, I’m not going to rewrite my old posts because the very reason why I deleted them is because I don’t think they’re worth-reading.
I want this blog to have a purpose and what I've written so far did not serve that purpose. There are tons of beauty, fashion, food, even mystery blogs out there and all of them has one thing in common: a theme. I was thinking of creating a certain theme so people would actually read my blog, but somehow I felt like an attention whore. Writing is not about getting attention, and I feel like I was slowly drifting away from the reason why I started blogging in the first place.
I would have deleted the entire blog, even, but I refrained from doing so considering that this blog is technically the only place I could channel my thoughts to the outside world (note that I have stopped using social medias despite not deleting them permanently).
So, here I am explaining (more like excusing) myself. Maybe I need a prayer circle or two so I can give some life to this sad blog, I don't know. I might even delete this post later.
