My cousin recently landed her first—and probably her last—job ever. She was one of the 'lucky' fellows out there who passed the rigorous and (unnecessary) long process of government hiring. She is now working for the Ministry of Finance, and for months, she has been and will be going under various training and courses before starting her actual role. I can never imagine being in her shoes.
As someone who has a terrible history with commitments, I can't imagine having to stick myself with one thing for almost the rest of my life. This is also the biggest reason why a relationship has always been the least of my concern. Marriage is a common theme for someone my age—for apparently everyone but me. It's not that I'm scared of the idea of commitment itself; it's because I always want to keep my options open.
Hell yes, I love an open ending. Why do you think I love Stephen King so much?
You see, being a federal or government worker means that you will have to stick with your job until the moment you are set to retire. Like it or not, you will have to shove everything you hate about your job up to your ass and just deal with it. I'm not saying that you'll never find a similar situation working in private sectors. What I'm trying to say is that working in private sectors means that you'll always have a way out. This could be a bad thing, but to me, it's a plus point.
I personally hate the idea of being 'restrained' in one place, knowing that there are tons of better options out there for you to take. This is why I can never work for the government. Wherever I go, I need to know that there's always a viable exit to escape to. It's the same reason why I always try to pay attention to flight attendants doing safety demonstration, no matter how repetitive or how boring it seems. I need to know that I'll have a way out. I need to know how to get off the plane, alive.
Perhaps, this is one of the byproducts of our education system. Huh. Bold of me trying to put the blame on the system, but hear me out. For years, I went to school, knowing that one day, I'd graduate. There would be a viable end to whatever hellish situations I was facing. I knew exactly that there would be a finale, and I could actually look forward to this 'last episode'.
But you know, sometimes the best TV series are the shortest ones.
After twelve years of basic education, four years of college, and an extra year trying to get out of college, I realized that after this, everything would be blurry. What am I supposed to look forward to now? Not to mention that I have developed a pretty serious case of anxiety over the years, so now everything becomes twice more 'challenging' than it should normally be.
Employment has its own expiry date, I know, but it's not something that comes in a year or two. I mean the longest I've ever been in a serious commitment was during my six years in elementary school. How am I supposed to survive, let's say, twenty years (or even more) of sticking with the same party, working for the same employer?
It's not helping that I have also given myself a bad reputation in terms of romance. I mean, come on, I once broke up with someone I had only been dating for several days. I'm not going to say how much it has broken my view of social commitment, but can you imagine the kind of trauma I have caused to this other person? I really am a monster, aren't I?
So, to anyone asking, "Why don't you work for the government? You'll have a better future," I would say, "Fuck you." You don't know how much I hate the idea of committing to something with no viable exit. Hell, I can't even stick to one skincare product for more than a year!
This is also what concerns me the most these days. What if I keep switching jobs? Damn, I want to be a level-headed, responsible adult for once. I want to stay and slay the hell out of it. I want to finish what I've started for once, for heaven's sake. And how am I supposed to be in a relationship when the first thing I do when starting something new is planning my exit?
This is probably why I love the idea of people being in an open relationship. No strings attached. You can leave wherever you want, and you have their consent to do so. I understand why people live together for a long time, and only get married after having like three children or so—because they want to be sure of what they're getting into. They give themselves time to decide. It's a luxury that not everyone could understand.
Oh, and let's not bring religions into this, please.
So, am I saying all of this because I can't survive my current job? No. Fuck you, I'm not going anywhere. I mean, if I didn't have my previous job taken away from me, I would've stayed for longer than I first thought I would. I am trying to be responsible here, so no. I won't make such a reckless move.
I'm saying all of this because some people need to understand that I'd like to always have a choice under my sleeves. Everyone has a choice. Everyone should have a choice, and if there's anything that I would definitely fight for in this crazy world, it is the right to have a choice and make my own choice.
And yeah, maybe I should learn to deal with commitments for once.
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