Warning: This post is created as an instant stress reliever. Forgive me for this post has no certain flow.
There are times when you have to decide, whether you go right or left, whether you stop or move forward. Making decisions is never an easy task for people like me. Some people might label me as a coward, that I play safe and I'm not willing to take risk. To some extent, yes, I do try to play safe because I calculate things. Why gamble when you can have certainty?
Decision making has been my biggest weakness for years. I am the kind of person who would lurk around a store looking for this and that, standing still in one alley for minutes trying to decide what to buy, but end up walking out empty-handed. (I know. It's ridiculous.) It is not that I have no preference. I clearly know what I like and what I don't like, but sometimes I just think too much that I become indecisive. There are too many 'what ifs' in my head that I can never ignore, and I don't think I should do.
Doubts are there because your mind is trying to warn you to be careful. I know that sometimes doubts hold you back from soaring high, but I treat doubts as a coffee break in a meeting, as a nice rest area in a long toll road.
I need longer time to think and eventually decide, because I want to see every possibility and I cannot rush myself to do so. Maybe that is the very reason why it is so difficult for me to keep up with life. The fast-paced lifestyle that people today are leaning to puts too much pressure for me to bear. (One of the reason why I dream of moving to a quiet place up in the hill or somewhere near the ocean.)
I can never understand people who can make any decision in a blink of an eye. People who are into one night stand or people who blindly take the risk. Why would you do that, and how? How on earth do you people decide on things so fast? Do you even take some time to sit down and think?
Think of life as a role playing game. In such game, every decision matters. Every choice you make alters your story line. The same goes with life. Where you go after school, what major you choose, what language you learn to speak, what you eat for breakfast, who you date. Every single thing matters.
One more thing that affects my decision is intuition. I am a person who moves with my intuition. If it says yes, then I would go forward but if it says no, I would listen and contemplate. Some people might say that it is irrational, that it's just myself trying to find an excuse but hey, you don't know how my mind works. The universe is watching your every step and listening to your every doubt, and it speaks through your subconsciousness. (Some people think intuition is shit, but I trust this shit more than I trust people.)
There's a major chaos going on inside my head, right now, and it urges me to make a decision; fast. Words cannot express how much of a burden it is because I can't just tell life to slow down, can I? I'm leaning to one option but even now I am still questioning whether it is the right thing to do, because just when I thought that life was leading me to another route, it drew me back. It's like a slap in the face. A punch in the gut.
So how do I, an indecisive individual, make decision?
I list down, literally, every single possibility. What can go wrong, what can go right. What is beneficial and what is not. What makes me happy. What other options I have. What I'll lose if I leave the chance not taken. Then I listen to my soul. I lie down, if possible, and listen. If that doesn't help, I'd go for people's advice but often times I'd listen to what my inner self has been yelling about desperately anyway. If you're religious, then go say some prayers. The universe always listens.
I've been in a similar position once. At that time, the choices were even narrower because actions had been taken. I did not think through and I decided to go along. I spent days crying, hoping that the universe would take them away but it was getting closer by the day. So I decided to be the tough guy. Turns out it wasn't so bad, but then I doubted my intuition. Now that I think about it, my intuition wasn't fully a miss but life just wanted to take me somewhere new.
This is a major reason why I'm sort of doubting my decision right now. Then again, it was a whole different situation back then and this time, I have full control of myself and my actions. Let's just hope that after all this time, I can finally make one right decision today.
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