Murphy's first law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. If that's the case, however, then everything that can go right will go right.
Most of the time, I only think about what to do when things go wrong. I always expect things to fail or work against my favor, which is why I have such a low expectation of everything, including myself. I learn to accept and move on, to have backup plans, to hop on to the endless train of possibilities.
I recently moved to a different company, and I have to say that I really didn't see that coming. At that time, I was tired—probably mad at something at work—so I went on an impulsive spree of job hunting. I saw an ad for my current job on LinkedIn, and that fateful morning, I decided to just go for it.
Two hours later, I received a message from the recruiter asking whether I would be down for a technical test. I said yes and completed the test within several days. They invited me for an interview, gave me another test, and invited me again for another interview. Everything happened in two weeks.
Then came the offer. I was a complete mess. I didn't expect to get that far. I submitted my application on a whim, and look at me now. I was definitely not prepared for when things went right. I tried to list the pros and cons of moving to their company, and it all narrowed down to one thing. I had no reason not to move, and so I did.
Today marked the beginning of my second week at my new job, and I'm wondering if I made the right decision. There was never a moment since I accepted their offer where I wasn't questioning my decision. I know that I needed this. I know that it was a good decision, the right one to make at that moment, but is it now?
But that's not the point.
I'm way too used to failure that I never really prepare myself for the opposite. I'm always ready for rejection, for disappointment, for another search. What I didn't expect is that some people out there are actually willing to accept us, which is kind of stupid because of course they are. They probably need an extra hand, another presence in the room.
The same goes with relationships.
I want to be accepted, but I never expect people to do so. I'm not the most social person out there, and I have difficulties expressing my true feelings to the people I care about. I am grateful for their presence, but I have no idea how to properly express my gratitude. Sometimes, I wonder if they feel like I take them for granted. I truly don't. I just don't know how to say it.
So when people go the extra mile to express their respect, love, or gratitude, I truly don't know how to act. When people are being rude, I know not to take it to the heart. When people seem reluctant to include me in their plans or conversations, I know not to bother. When people show discomfort while I'm around, I know to walk away.
But what if things go right?
What if you find the people you want to hold on to for the rest of your life? What if you find a family to come home to even when you're miles away from home? What if people actually care about your happiness? What if they actually want to stay by your side no matter how hard you're trying to push them away?
What if people actually love you?
What if people actually see your worth?
What if you're actually worth something?
What if you're actually worth fighting for?
I guess it's time to figure it out.
