I realize that, hey, this blog is dead and nobody would give a damn about what I say anyway, so I should've been able to write freely. I, however, couldn't help but think that I've been so terribly self-centered all this time and I have failed to relate to what's going on around me, to the world around me, to the people and their stories. Well, I still do sit back and watch people like a creep (not literally, mind you) and wonder if they were struggling with something or such, but all this time I've been completely out of touch with what makes me human.
Now that I look back and evaluate, I apparently have been spending too much time being out of the circle, the box, whatever shape you think humanity is. I tried to watch, to be the neutral party, to be the observer, but I completely forgot my place as a fellow human. It's not that I was acting God though; in fact, I stooped too low to even catch the view. I am really just embodying the worst kind of observer you'll ever meet.
And when I live that way, I cannot help but put myself on edge. All the time. You see, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I've been doing life wrong. If normality is a spectrum, I constantly move from one edge to the other. It never really ends because I haven't found my gravity. I am still wondering what would keep me down and let me stand still, when everyone around me has started rotating along the course of the universe.
So what have I been doing all this time? Probably the best answer I could come up with is to be the random figures in someone else's story, to be that one person in the crowd you would completely forget in five minutes. The background, never the detail. At least that's how I feel but, seriously, when is feeling ever rational? I need to start using my head more.
Okay, I really do need some coffee.
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